Some people insist that marriage is a fifty fifty proposition. This has an equitable ring to it. But true love is much more exacting. It requires that both partners give 100 percent to the relationship, 100 percent of the time it's not enought to come halfway. Each person must be willing to give all. That may sound daunting, but it is the example of the wiser people who who gave their power, status and earthly life for those loved by them. Not because they deserve it but it was the choice of the one who gives all. Give to each other not because we deserve it, but it is a secret to a truly worthy love.
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Monday, December 27, 2010
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
WHAT HURTS the MOST : CASCADA
I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house, that don't bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out
I'm not afraid to cry
Every once in a while even though goin on with you gone still upsets me
There are days
Every now and again I pretend i'm okay but that's not what gets me
What hurts the most, was being so close
And having so much to say
And watchin you walk away
Never knowing, what could have been
And not seein that lovin you
Is what I was tryin to do
It's hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go
But i'm doin it
It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and i'm alone
Still harder gettin up, gettin dressed, livin with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade, give away all the words that I saved in my heart that I left unspoken
What hurts the most, is being so close
And having so much to say
And watchin you walk away
Never knowing, what could have been
And not seein that lovin you
Is what I was tryin to do
I'm not afraid to cry
Every once in a while even though goin on with you gone still upsets me
There are days
Every now and again I pretend i'm okay but that's not what gets me
What hurts the most, is being so close
And having so much to say
And watchin you walk away
Never knowing, what could have been
And not seein that lovin you
Is what I was tryin to do
What hurts the most, is being so close
And having so much to say
And watchin you walk away
Never knowing, what could have been
And not seein that lovin you
Is what I was tryin to do
Friday, October 15, 2010
Letting Go
for two years i was holding ur hand and moving towards a destination that both of us wanted.
In the midst of our journey ..my direction towards the destination changed and so did urs ....
we had to let go of each other ..now im heading towards my destination
i'm looking back and i can see u goin far far away down the path.
my hands reached for you but..
u didnt look back, ur head held high you moved forward.
i turned , looked ahead and with my head held high stepped my foot forward.
each step is taking me further away.
i am closing my eyes shut.. i'm not goin to cry
my chest hurts as if it had been stabbed
still im not going to cry
my hand still feels urs. now its empty. i tighten my fists holdin back the tears
m not going to cry. the path is lonelier, darker without u in it
m not going to cry ...i can say this many times ..only if u could see my tears streaming down my face then u will know how much i wish we could have followed the same path. the path where our journey started towards our destination
.
Sunday, September 26, 2010
The Awakening: Sonny Carrol
There comes a time in your life when you finally get it ... When in the midst of all your fears and insanity you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out "ENOUGH! Enough fighting and crying or struggling to hold on." And, like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin to subside, you shudder once or twice, you blink back your tears and through a mantle of wet lashes you begin to look at the world from a new perspective.
..........This is your awakening.
You realize that it is time to stop hoping and waiting for something or someone to change, or for happiness safety and security to come galloping over the next horizon. You come to terms with the fact that there aren't always fairytale endings (or beginnings for that matter) and that any guarantee of "happily ever after" must begin with you. Then a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.
So you begin making your way through the "reality of today" rather than holding out for the "promise of tomorrow." You realize that much of who you are and the way you navigate through life is, in great part, a result of all the social conditioning you've received over the course of a lifetime. And you begin to sift through all the nonsense you were taught about :
- how you should look and how much you should weigh,
- what you should wear and where you should shop,
- where you should live or what type of car you should drive,
- who you should sleep with and how you should behave,
- who you should marry and why you should stay,
- the importance of bearing children or what you owe your family,
Slowly you begin to open up to new worlds and different points of view. And you begin re-assessing and re-defining who you are and what you really believe in. And you begin to discard the doctrines you have outgrown, or should never have practiced to begin with.
You accept the fact that you are not perfect ,and that not everyone will love appreciate or approve of who or what you are... and that's OK... they are entitled to their own views and opinions. And, you come to terms with the fact that you will never be a size 5 or a "perfect 10".... Or a perfect human being for that matter... and you stop trying to compete with the image inside your head or agonizing over how you compare. And, you take a long look at yourself in the mirror and you make a promise to give yourself the same unconditional love and support you give so freely to others. Then a sense of confidence is born of self-approval.
And, you stop maneuvering through life merely as a "consumer" hungry for your next fix, a new dress, another pair of shoes or looks of approval and admiration from family, friends or even strangers who pass by. Then you discover that it is truly in "giving" that we receive, and that the joy and abundance you seek grows out of the giving. And you recognize the importance of "creating" and "contributing" rather than "obtaining" and "accumulating."
And you give thanks for the simple things you've been blessed with, things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about - a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, the freedom of choice and the opportunity to pursue your own dreams.
And you begin to love and to care for yourself. You stop engaging in self-destructive behaviors, including participating in dysfunctional relationships. You begin eating a balanced diet, drinking more water and exercising. And because you've learned that fatigue drains the spirit and creates doubt and fear, you give yourself permission to rest. And just as food is fuel for the body, laughter is fuel for the spirit and so you make it a point to create time for play.
Then you learn about love and relationships - how to love, how much to give in love, when to stop giving, and when to walk away. And you allow only the hands of a lover who truly loves and respects you to glorify you with his touch. You learn that people don't always say what they mean or mean what they say, intentionally or unintentionally, and that not everyone will always come through... and interestingly enough, it's not always about you. So, you stop lashing out and pointing fingers or looking to place blame for the things that were done to you or weren't done for you. And you learn to keep your Ego in check and to acknowledge and redirect the destructive emotions it spawns - anger, jealousy and resentment.
You learn how to say "I was wrong" and to forgive people for their own human frailties. You learn to build bridges instead of walls and about the healing power of love as it is expressed through a kind word, a warm smile or a friendly gesture. And, at the same time, you eliminate any relationships that are hurtful or fail to uplift and edify you. You stop working so hard at smoothing things over and setting your needs aside. You learn that feelings of entitlement are perfectly OK and that it is your right to want or expect certain things. And you learn the importance of communicating your needs with confidence and grace. You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry and that eventually martyrs are burned at the stake. Then you learn to distinguish between guilt, and responsibility and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to Say NO. You learn that you don't know all the answers, it's not your job to save the world and that sometimes you just need to Let Go.
Moreover, you learn to look at people as they really are and not as you would want them to be, and you are careful not to project your neediness or insecurities onto a relationship. You learn that you will not be more beautiful, more intelligent, more lovable or important because of the man on your arm or the child that bears your name. You learn that just as people grow and change, so it is with love and relationships, and that that not everyone can always love you the way you would want them to. So you stop appraising your worth by the measure of love you are given. And suddenly you realize that it's wrong to demand that someone live their life or sacrifice their dreams just to serve your needs, ease your insecurities, or meet "your" standards and expectations. You learn that the only love worth giving and receiving is the love that is given freely without conditions or limitations. And you learn what it means to love. So you stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes. You learn that "alone" does not mean "lonely" and you begin to discover the joy of spending time "with yourself" and "on yourself." Then you discover the greatest and most fulfilling love you will ever know - Self Love. And so it comes to pass that, through understanding, your heart heals; and now all new things are possible.
Moving along, you begin to avoid Toxic people and conversations. And you stop wasting time and energy rehashing your situation with family and friends. You learn that talk doesn't change things and that unrequited wishes can only serve to keep you trapped in the past. So you stop lamenting over what could or should have been and you make a decision to leave the past behind. Then you begin to invest your time and energy to affect positive change. You take a personal inventory of all your strengths and weaknesses and the areas you need to improve in order to move ahead, you set your goals and map out a plan of action to see things through.
You learn that life isn't always fair and you don't always get what you think you deserve, and you stop personalizing every loss or disappointment. You learn to accept that sometimes bad things happen to good people and that these things are not an act of God... but merely a random act of fate.
And you stop looking for guarantees, because you've learned that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected and that whatever happens, you'll learn to deal with it. And you learn that the only thing you must truly fear is the great robber baron of all time - FEAR itself. So you learn to step right into and through your fears, because to give into fear is to give away the right to live life on your terms. You learn that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophesy and you learn to go after what you want and not to squander your life living under a cloud of indecision or feelings of impending doom.
Then, YOU LEARN ABOUT MONEY... the personal power and independence it brings and the options it creates. And you recognize the necessity to create your own personal wealth. Slowly, you begin to take responsibility for yourself by yourself and you make yourself a promise to never betray yourself and to never ever settle for less than your heart's desire. And a sense of power is born of self-reliance. And you live with honor and integrity because you know that these principles are not the outdated ideals of a by-gone era but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which you must build your life. And you make it a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting and to stay open to every wonderful opportunity and exciting possibility. Then you hang a wind chime outside your window to remind yourself what beauty there is in Simplicity.
Finally, with courage in your heart and with God by your side you take a stand, you FAKE a deep breath and you begin to design the life you want to live as best as you can.
A word about the Power of Prayer: In some of my darkest, most painful and frightening hours, I have prayed, not for the answers to my prayers or for material things, but for my "God" to help me find the strength, confidence and courage to persevere; to face each day and to do what I must do.
Remember this:- You are an expression of the almighty. The spirit of God resides within you and moves through you. Open your heart, speak to that spirit and it will heal and empower you.
My "God" has never failed me.
taken from
http://www.sapphyr.net/largegems/theawakening.htm
Introduction to The Awakening by Sonny Carroll
I actually began writing this piece in 1996 shortly after coming out of a long drawn out and painful break-up. I was a total mess. My life was in shambles and as I tried to make some sense of what had happened, and why, I began to write The Awakening. This piece is a compilation of all the lessons I learned and the observations I made about myself, about other people and their relationships, and of the wisdom that my most dear friend, Drane Uljaj, has shared with me over countless cups of tea.
2007 Note for those trying to contact Sonny Carroll:
Her website, Wake To Life (www waketolife com) is now no longer in existence and she is not contactable.
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Home not so sweet home
Home away from home can never be sweet. The only best thing that has ever happened here is feeling good about my presentations and studies. The next best thing may not be a best thing at all and for this reason i may as well not mention it. I miss mom and Eeshal. my cute little cousin whom i take for dinners, ice creams and photography rounds. Her voice when ever i call her is like music to my ears. The last time i called, this is what she said, " leentha eeshu dhaanamey konmes thaakah gossa mi dhanee ey ingey? ingey?". After i came here i was sad to hear that she was sick and was so thankful when Affan made her happy by givin her the presents i requested him to give. I was glad that i made her happy staying here. I am desperately looking forward to seeing mom /family , Eeshal and my best friend. You all matter to me and surrounded by you, i can smile more often :) ..Please come before i forget to smile
Giving up
changing me for what i am not
controlling me tying a knot
forcing me, pressuring me
God i can't survive let me be
just let me be
whom do you want me to be
just let me be
ignored me but still its no
i cant be what you want me to be
please love me for what i am
loved me before hey im the same
fed up of transformations
no self identifications
so please let me be
i give up , let it be
Saturday, June 12, 2010
love the song!!
You're a good soldier
Choosing your battles
Pick yourself up
And dust yourself off
Get back in the saddle
You're on the front line
Everyone's watching
You know it's serious
We are getting closer
This isn't over
The pressure is on
You feel it
But you got it all
Believe it
When you fall get up, oh oh
If you fall get up, eh eh
Tsamina mina zangalewa
Cuz this is Africa
Tsamina mina, eh eh
Waka waka, eh eh
Tsamina mina zangalewa
This time for Africa
Listen to your God
This is our motto
Your time to shine
Don't wait in line
Y vamos por todo
People are raising
Their expectations
Go on and feed them
This is your moment
No hesitations
Today's your day
I feel it
You paved the way
Beleive it
If you get down get up, oh oh
When you get down get up, eh eh
Tsamina mina zangalewa
This time for Africa
Tsamina mina, eh eh
Waka waka, eh eh
Tsamina mina zangalewa
Anawa a a
Tsamina mina, eh eh
Waka waka, eh eh
Tsamina mina zangalewa
This time for Africa
(Lady Singing)
Voice: Tsamina mina, Anawa a a
Tsamina mina
Tsamina mina, Anawa a a
Tsamina mina, eh eh
Waka waka, eh eh
Tsamina mina zangalewa
Anawa a a
Tsamina mina, eh eh
Waka waka, eh eh
Tsamina mina zangalewa
This time for Africa
Django eh eh
Django eh eh
Tsamina mina zangalewa
Anawa a a
Django eh eh
Django eh eh
Tsamina mina zangalewa
Anawa a a
(2x) This time for Africa
(2x) We're all Africa
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Farewell
This world is attractive to us with its snares, amusements and carnivals that make us oblivious of its transitory nature. Despite the fun and frolic that we seek in the world, we have to bid adieu to the world. Yes, no one will accompany us. We have to make it on our own. Naturally, others will take our place just as we have taken the place of those who have already gone forth. Life will come full circle and so will the world that will repeat the story for times to come. Carnivals will be held once again but we won't be there. Lovers will swear by their love all over again and make monuments to celebrate youth, love and spring. At the same time, problems that were before will also persist side by side.
Friday, January 1, 2010
RESOLUTIONS FOR 2010
Pray five times a day on time regularly!!!!
Decorate home and spend more time on doing interiors.
Use very innovative ideas in teaching.
Give sadaqai a lot.
Pray for maama more.
Learn to get comfort by devoting myself to Allah in times of misery.
Stop taking crap from people and learn to say no more often.
Spend more time with Eeshal mmmwuah!! my lovely cute cousin.
Give time for friends check on them and keep in touch.
Translate a book which will teach people modesty.
Be fair to all my students and love them equally.
Make wise decisions.
Learn a new language.
Be more cautious about my health.
Learn to smile more often and worry less thinking about past.
Participate in a photography contest.
change my style of dressing.
Stop buying slippers, heels etc and keeping it without wearing.
Take challenges of life and try to succeed.
.....to be continued.....
Decorate home and spend more time on doing interiors.
Use very innovative ideas in teaching.
Give sadaqai a lot.
Pray for maama more.
Learn to get comfort by devoting myself to Allah in times of misery.
Stop taking crap from people and learn to say no more often.
Spend more time with Eeshal mmmwuah!! my lovely cute cousin.
Give time for friends check on them and keep in touch.
Translate a book which will teach people modesty.
Be fair to all my students and love them equally.
Make wise decisions.
Learn a new language.
Be more cautious about my health.
Learn to smile more often and worry less thinking about past.
Participate in a photography contest.
change my style of dressing.
Stop buying slippers, heels etc and keeping it without wearing.
Take challenges of life and try to succeed.
.....to be continued.....
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